Review: The Holy Gosh Darn is so gosh darn good, you won’t even want to finish saving Heaven

The Holy Gosh Darn is a hybrid game of adventure and time management. You’ll explore several locations from Heaven to Hell and a few places in between. Along the way, you’ll be using a trusty timepiece that lets you flit around in time to finish tasks and ultimately save Heaven.

I can’t tell you how much this game reminds me of Day of the Tentacle. If you’re unfamiliar, that game uses a teleporter to the past, present, and future. You teleport between the locations bringing items through to achieve your goals.

So, if you had a love for Day of the Tentacle, The Holy Gosh Darn is going to fully deliver for you.

The Holy Gosh Darn: The Game of Side Quests and Achievements

The game opens with you, Cassiel of Celerity, and your friend, Pruiel, sitting outside the Gates of Heaven and guessing which breed of dog is going to run by next. Spoiler: Heaven is flush with good bois.

While playing “Guess the Dog”, Pruiel checks a device they have that tells them which souls are incoming. This is the unfortunate way we learn about a flood of Phantoms coming to invade and ultimately decimate Heaven.

In good game fashion, we learn this just in time to not be able to do anything about it. We blow up and it’s light out. RIP Cassiel of Celebrity. Just a fair warning, be prepared for me to use the wrong names for Cassiel, it’s a running joke throughout the game that I shall not be departing from.

So, that’s it. Heaven is gone, but don’t roll the credits just yet. You’re suddenly in a void space with Azrael, the apocalyptic Horseman of Death. With his help, you’re given a timepiece with a fragment of his power that you can use to go backward and forward in time.

However, there’s a caveat. You can only move within a 6-hour window just before Heaven is destroyed and you can only move in increments of 15 minutes. You’ll eventually be able to get that number down to 5 minutes with an upgrade, but we’ll discuss that later.

Going back in time, we’re armed with the knowledge of impending doom. Just before Heaven imploded, we spoke to Peter who told us of an artifact that could help us, The Holy Gosh Darn. Conveniently, he mentioned that it was in the vault and he was the only one with the key.

So, returning to Peter kicks off a journey that is going to be rife with time travel. He’ll only give you the vault key if certain conditions are met. This moment will set the tone for the rest of the game. Every scenario is going to play out just like this. 

I’m having serious deja vu right now…

You’ll be given a goal, but each step toward that goal is going to give you even more tasks. I’m not going to spoil the actual requirements. So, let’s just use hypotheticals. Let’s say that Peter needed a guitar in exchange for the key (he doesn’t, there’s no guitar), you’d need to find who has the guitar. Likely, they’ll want something in exchange for it like a cat. Well, to get that cat, you not only have to find where a cat might be which may require a task, but, also, how to lure the cat in which requires a different task.

It sounds convoluted, but I promise it’s all laid out in a way that makes perfect sense when you’re in the moment. Mostly, I found it to be an adventure game, but time management is going to be a big factor in gameplay.

Before I was properly paying attention to the time, there were tasks that I cut exceedingly close to the time Heaven explodes.

At first, I was concerned that the game was going to play out in such a way that required “the perfect day”. I was worried about remembering the steps and figuring out how to make it all work, but that’s not the case at all.

Tasks are fairly contained. The task set forth by Peter may as well exist in a box. Once you’ve completed it, you don’t have to return to those tasks again. Instead, you’re moving on to a separate box that is set up the same way. So, while the motions of finishing the task are the same, the elements are different.

As you play, you’ll notice two things. Accomplishing tasks returns bits of your grace and unlocks abilities like double jumping and dash. And, secondly, your timepiece is upgradeable. To upgrade it, you need to visit a certain place and keep an eye out for Liphidium.

Y’all got any more of that Liphidium?

This substance is required for upgrades that will let you move in the 5-minute increments I talked about earlier and to set an additional timestamp. I forgot to mention above that you can place down a unique marker to return to which makes things a lot easier if you messed up or need multiples.

The most useful upgrade is a second timewarp item slot. You get one immediately, but two are invaluable. Anything you put in these slots is immune to time. If you pick up objects at 2 pm and return to 1 pm when you don’t have those items, they’re normally lost to time.

So, being able to carry things with you is going to be one of the bigger puzzle elements you’re dealing with.

Lastly, you’ll find a module that can be input into your timepiece; it’s a wardrobe module. So, any cosmetics that you come across can be added to it and will be safe from the clutches of time.

Once you get The Holy Gosh Darn, the game will tell you when you’re beyond the point of no return, which I appreciate so much. There’s nothing worse than putting something off and realizing you accidentally triggered the end-game phase and can’t return.

I will tell you, if you’re the type of person who collects achievements or is a completionist, you want to hold off on triggering the end of the game. While you can get back into the world, some areas that are required for some things will be closed off to you at that point.

This makes the perfect segue to talk about all the extra stuff going on all around you in The Holy Gosh Darn. Buddy, I can’t overstate how many secrets exist here. It’s practically a second full game. There are hours of content in just side quests. 

We wants it, we needs it. Must have the secrets… the precious.

Basically, everything you can interact with is either main game useful or side quest useful. Simply looking at a painting will add to the achievement counter of looking at art. So, let’s just list out the things.

Take a deep breath with me because it’s long. You can look at paintings, read books, collect clothes, call phone numbers, upgrade your timepiece, drink different coffees, insult elders (side quest), find Holy Spirits, complete your notes section, and so much more. This list doesn’t even cover all the achievements possible.

The Holy Gosh Darn is a huge game that will give you hours of content beyond the main story. Personally, I got to the end game stage in about 6 or 7 hours, but in extra content alone I’ve got a few more hours left.

I really can’t overstate how much I enjoyed playing The Holy Gosh Darn and getting to play Cassiel of Celery. It was such a fun way to pass the time. If you’re into adventure games with some time management elements, you should give it a try. 10 outta 10, would recommend.

If you want to give The Holy Gosh Darn a try, you can get it on Steam, PlayStation, Nintendo Switch, or Xbox for $19.99. Otherwise, you can check out a different sort of puzzle game that we did a review of, Wilmot Works It Out.